I don’t use this one or the other one anymore. If I’ve ever talked to you or if you know me personally then contact me and I’ll give you the password. 

I have so much to say, and so much that I want to get off my chest, but time moves forward continuously and never allows a break who those who can’t think of the right words to say. I’m more free than I’ve ever felt in my life, I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time, and it feels so damn good. I feel like I never have enough time in the day to do everything I want to, there’s so much I want to do, so much I want to accomplish in these nine months. I’m just so excited, I literally just need to sit down one day after work and try and focus enough to write down everything I want to and make all the lists I need.

Like dancing, I’ve always wanted to be good at dancing. I envy the people who are amazing dancers. Or singers, I wish I could sing more than anything. 

Today was the last day of the semester. I’m such a mixture of things; Relieved, excited, scared, sad, anxious, anfksjflkaaf. The next nine months are all mine to work on myself, to figure out what I want to do, to try and better myself, to figure out everything I want in my life, and to try and make myself as happy as possible. Not to mention working my ass off trying to make some money for myself. I’m scared for the future, but this is the first time I’ve ever felt ready for it. I’m going to be able to handle things, I’ve just got to keep my focus and not waste this time.

Today was absolutely awful. I woke up, was too tired to shower, went to work, found out I had to work my first party, none of the kids listened and I had to keep myself from crying because I was so stressed out and pissed off the whole time, had to stay an extra hour at work because the party ran late, went to Austin’s (doing 25mph the whole way because the roads were awful.. Let me just mention my doors were all frozen shut, my gas thingy was frozen shut when I tried to get gas, and I had to spend 15 minutes in the FRIGID temperature outside scraping my windows at work) fought with Austin and sobbed my eyes out for an hour because we haven’t talked and have been fighting since yesterday, then came home and realized I don’t have any of my work done for finals tomorrow and the roads are too bad to go out and buy the things I need to do my projects. So I’m fucked. I’m just gonna go to bed and fail school and not even care. I’ve also come to the realization that I don’t think Austin and I will ever work out until I get my depression and anxiety fixed, and also there is no way in hell I can have a job while I’m this depressed. I’m going to get fired sooner or later because we have to be constantly happy and I’ve never been this depressed in my entire life. I try to fake it as much as possible because I need this money more than anything else in the world but the more people get on me about “get happy, smile smile smile!” the more I want to cry. I wish I wasn’t like this anymore, I used to be so outgoing and so happy and so full of energy.